Confucius says . . .

If a grey hair is plucked from your head and no one was around to see it, did it ever really exist?

Agent Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde

I so often underestimate the power of shaving my legs. It's almost as if the hairy-legged Megan and the smooth-legged Megan are two completely different people. What? You've had a horrible day at work, your head hurts, your makeup just didn't stay fresh, those pants make you feel fat? I know just the remedy. Spend five minutes (or more, depending on the leg hair length) on yourself and shave those legs. Suddenly you're that tall glass of water you've wanted to be all week. You're ten pounds lighter, your pants fit better, and everyone in the world was just given a puppy. It's almost as if you were a contestant on that one show that's not on the air anymore—Extreme Makeover: Self Edition. Hello, world. Feel my legs. And then, just when you thought your day couldn't possibly get any better . . . clean sheets! This is how I was born to live—prickle free.

Some things I wish I could forget

During my first, or possibly second year of teaching, I signed up to take a class called "Beginning Guitar for Teachers in the Elementary Classroom." I thought it would be a great opportunity to learn some fun tunes to play while kids sang about times tables, counties and county seats, and so on.

I began the class with a borrowed guitar. I can remember learning very little. There was very little method or even skill taught. But, I did learn how to mimic my teacher's hand placements on the fret board as he taught us "The House of the Rising Sun" over an eight-week period. He told me I was a natural. I was excited about this until my dad explained that the only song my teacher had taught me was about a whore house . . . and that wasn't nearly as useful in an elementary classroom as I'd hoped it would be.

Although I learned nothing useful, I got a free, new guitar from my creepy teacher. Sometimes being a natural at playing whore house-themed music pays off.

What a Difference 10 Months Makes

I really don't like having my picture taken. I especially dislike having pictures taken of JUST me. I'm just not photogenic, I never have been. I promise, I'm much cuter in person. But, now that 10 months have passed since I had a couple of bridal shots taken, I can actually look at them. Really. So, for those of you that have requested (and for those of you who couldn't care less), here are some of my 10 month-old bridal shots.

Yes, the flowers are fake. And, yes, I was not aware a picture was being taken as I was laughing and brushing my bangs out of my face with my bouquet.

Hold the phone . . .

I think a clarification needs to be made about the last post:

I am NOT pregnant. I repeat, I am not pregnant!


Thank you, and goodnight.

What's in a name?

Last night I outlined all the names I've chosen for our potential future children. My husband only liked one of them and agreed that a second name was "okay." That's cute that he thinks he has a say. If I'm going to let little aliens inhabit my body for nine months, move things around in there, and spread my hips, all before a disgusting and traumatic exit from my body that will leave my body in a state that will never quite return to how it was before, you'd better believe those children are getting the names I've chosen.

So, if you're single, be sure to have some sort of written agreement written up before you say "yes" to a man. Be sure that you write down every name you have ever even considered and then frame it and hang it somewhere your husband will see often.

And trust me, the names are SUPER cute. Why am I not telling you? Well, because if you hate them, too, you won't have to hate them as long if I wait and tell you once the little aliens have made their exodus from my body.

MIA no more

You know, you're right. It HAS been a very long time since I have posted anything. In case you were wondering, you have missed out on innumerable exciting things in my life. Here are just a few I'd like to highlight.

On Sunday, a sweet, older lady in my ward who I see at least twice a week asked me if I was pregnant. And just in case you are wondering, I'm not. I just so happen to have a large quantity of empire-waisted shirts. They're in style, people. So, that was a first for me, and most likely a last . . . the last time I wear that dress.

The other day my sister stopped by my office with her kids to say hello. One of my nephews pulled down his pants and underpants and said in his "old man" voice, "I need to go potty."

Visit teaching (Can you stand the excitement in my life??!)

Church stuff

My husband has all but commandeered my iPod for his e-hunting pleasure.

Oh, yes. I sent a horrendously behind schedule project to press only a day late. (Hence my MIA behavior.)

I gave my husband a blender for his birthday because I'm the best wife ever. ("What is this? The 1905s? Give the little wife a blender?!") — Name that movie!

I had a sleepover with all the "'big kid" nieces, nephews, and myself while Dan was away hunting. I actually slept.

I saved the world in under an hour and a half.

I had lunch with one of my longest running friends and I laughed so much and so hard my face hurt the rest of the afternoon.

I  killed a spider all by myself.

I got to be with one of the cutest families I know as they were sealed in the temple. I cried a lot.

I ate a lot of Neilson's Custard.

I spent lots of time at Dr. appointments and with old people.

That pretty much sums it up. Stay tuned for what will no doubt be a very exciting early fall.