A Change of Pace

Has it really been months since I've posted? Because honestly, it feels like even longer! The last few months have just dragged and dragged and dragged. Many things have happened that have turned me from a manager at an educational publishing company to a stay-at-home wife (which is what I've secretly always wanted to be). But the road that lead to my new position wasn't quite the way I planned things.

About five or six years ago I have a disc in my lower back that ruptured. Surgery fixed the disc and life was to go on as normal . . . until about six months ago. I started having consistent lower back pain again. I ignored it, like I do most pains, thinking it will eventually go away. Well, it didn't and turns out that same disc is giving me problems again. Except this time, the disc can't be fixed the same way. The long and short of it is that if I want a "quick fix" for the pain, I have to have a major surgery that will likely cause a domino effect of surgery on other discs in my spine over time. I could potentially be a 40-something mother with multiple discs fused, mobility limited, and a sucky outlook on life. So, I'm taking the alternative, less medically-intrusive route: quit my job since it's too painful to sit all day and make my new full-time job my back. I do physical therapy, I'm about to start cortisone shots in my spine, and I'm doing lots of things that keep me from sitting in a chair at a computer all day. All this in an effort to fix my skeleton so I can start doing the second thing I've always secretly wanted to do: pop out some kidlets.

So, here I am in my velour suit (dubbed my official uniform of stay-at-home-wifeness), witnessing my brain slowly turning to mush, and watching a whole lot of Rachel Ray. She really is every bit as adorable as the middle-aged women claim she is. Here's to a healthy 2012!

To Halle, with love

Dear Halle Cakes,

Last weekend you slept in my bed with me to keep me company while the hubs was out of town. For some reason I think it's cute when you kick me all through the night. But I get angry when the hubs does it. Also, when you woke me up at 4 am to watch "Tare Bears" (Care Bears), I was so happy, which is really uncharacteristic of me. I love sleep. But sitting up wide awake, laughing with you and your sippy cup and continually asking, "Where's that peent (pink) guy?" will forever be one of my favorite memories. I've never enjoyed being awake at 4 am quite so much. Thanks for being so cute and so sweet to me. I hope you never grow out of wanting to call "Meggy" everyday. I love you so much and I hope you never grow up.

Where is my mind?

 . . . aaaaaand we're back.

I apparently had a bit of an emotional breakdown/identity crisis yesterday. That might have been apparent in my blog post asking for new friends. I don't know, maybe normal people do that. But I'll tell you what normal people don't do: make plans to move across the country to New York City, a place they've never been. But I found Dan a job, and a job for me at a large publishing company. I was going to start wearing Spanx and eyeliner and cut my hair into a sleek bob. I was ready for the museums, and restaurants, and "culture." I just kept saying "culture." I was there. In my mind, I was there.

But here I am today, wearing sweat pants, one of Dan's T-shirts, a long blonde pony tail, sans bra, and working for an independent publisher struggling to make a place for itself in this digital world. I live near a Target and an In 'n Out Burger. I guess some might call that culture. This isn't "the life," but it's my life. And, after eight hours of sleep last night, I'm happy to be a part of it. Until the next time that I get only a few hours of sleep.

Sleepless in the suburbs,

I need new friends

I need new friends. Preferably friends that live in the same state—same county, even. My single friends are too busy doing single people things to hang out with me more than once in a blue moon. Trust me, I understand. My married friends all have kids and are never available when I want to hang out.

Sooooo.... I am now accepting applications for a new friend. Only one, actually. I've never been good at juggling multiple friends.

Please be married.

Please don't have kids.

Please don't be freakishly attached to your  husband so you can't go with me to get a pedicure on a whim.

Please work regular business hours.

Please don't be a flake. I've had enough of them in my life. If you're going to call, call. If you say we're going to hang out, show up. Make me a priority, dangit. Cuz I'm a dang good friend.

And please be funny. If you're not funny, don't bother.

Qualified applicants should send me cookies and flowers.

Don't call me. I'll call you.

Why you're still single . . .

Yes, I'm going there.

The purpose of this post is to get you excited, riled up, angry, curious, or any other kind of emotional in anticipation of my upcoming blog series, "Why you're still single."

Don't worry ladies, you're off the hook on this one. But men, buckle up and get settled in with your comfort blanket, because you're going to need it. I've been observing behaviors of single men for years now and I can't help but notice the patterns that appear among single men—most of whom wish they weren't single. This series aims to educate the world as to why single men remain single, despite their "best" efforts.

Here's a preview of just some of the topics to look forward to:
1. If you used to babysit her, she's too young to be on a date with you. Unless of course, you'd like to raise a wife while you raise kids.
2. Your mom might be the only woman who really thinks you're a 10, so, get used to dating 5s.
3. A text conversation does not qualify as a step forward in your imaginary relationship.
4. You can still have hobbies after you're married.
5. You've seen one too many romantic comedies—the myth of "the one" distracts you from perfectly lovable women.
6. Women who are ridiculously good looking, are ridiculously stupid and shallow. Yet you still ask them out.

And so on . . .

I look forward to shoving more of my opinions in your face in the form of blog posts!

Now Hiring!

Gibbs Smith Education is currently seeking a full-time associate curriculum developer to join its team. Skills necessary for position: an education degree; teaching experience (preferably elementary); ability to write clearly and succinctly; ability to communicate clearly and must have the ability to manage time effectively and to meet deadlines; must be able to quickly learn to use different technologies such as a MAC operating systems, Adobe InDesign and XML coding.

Email résumé to: hr@gibbs-smith.com

If you know of anyone who might be interested, encourage them to send in a résumé. This is a great job! Also, if you know someone who is interested but does not have a degree in education and experience teaching, encourage them NOT to send their résumé in! Thank you in advance.

Popular Phrases that MUST go . . . I'm just sayin'

Pardon me while I channel my op-ed columnist alter ego. For some reason, she likes to come out late at night.

Social media is a beautiful thing. It's so funny to me that it's even a "thing." As recent as five years back the term wasn't even part of our household vocabulary. But, here we are today, surrounded by social media on all fronts. Thanks to the folks and Facebook and Twitter, I can now easily know where you are right now, where you were a few hours ago, see a photo of what you're wearing (edited to your liking before posting), and what social events you will be attending that I may or may not have been invited to. I can't help but think, where was all of this when I was in the dating game? There would have been no need for "drive bys" to see if my man was sitting at home thinking of me or not. But that would have taken away the fun of driving around town to find his car if it wasn't at home and then covering it with oreos.

Now I can see a picture of my friends' fetuses (or feti, if you prefer) before they have time to pick up the phone and let me know they're pregnant! I can post all of my parents' and siblings' embarrassing junior high photos, and they can do the same for me, if they can find the ash remains of mine. I can even sit back and enjoy the on-again, off-again relationships of my now junior high-aged former students. It would seem that life could not get better, at least not for stalkers and companies who try to steal your personal information. And, that may be the truth. But there are some downsides to this social media frenzy that we live in. I would like to address the most severe of all the downsides . . . the overuse of popular phrases.

Now, before you go thinking that I'm a holier-than-though writer, I will be the first to admit that I have used most, if not all of the following phrases that must meet the backspace button. And it seemed like the right thing to do at the time, as I'm sure it has for all people who have used these phrases. But catchy phrases that used to last for decades, such as "Your mom," and "Psych," are now wearing out their welcomes in a matter of months. You'll see what I mean:

1. Using the term "baby" after any statement of declaration. Example: "I'm going to Vegas, baby!" However, in most cases where this phrase is used, there is not the comma before the phrase. So it reads something wonderful like this: "I'm going to Vegas baby!" I cannot tell you how many times I have wondered what a "Vegas baby" is. Are people going there to adopt a baby? To make a baby? Maybe I don't want to know. But I do think people ought to keep their baby business to themselves!

2. Using the phrase "yes, please" after asking yourself a question involving something you will be doing shortly. Example: "Date night with my husband to the movies? Yes, please!" Do you really need our approval to go on the date? Because I kind of have the feeling that you're going on the date regardless of whether or not I tell you to. Or, are you so unsure that you'd want to spend an entire evening with your husband, that you have to "verbally" ask yourself on Facebook and see a visual confirmation? If I didn't know better, I'd think there were lots of couples with some serious communication issues.

3. Including the phrase "I'm just sayin'" after sharing an opinion or seemingly random thought. Example: "The kids these days sure don't wear much in the way of clothing. I'm just sayin'" You see, we already know that you're "just saying" because you "just said" it before the phrase. It's a lot like the lesson we learned from Micheal Scott on The Office. Micheal rallied the troops together to tell them that "There's been a murder in Savannah. I do declare." His kind office mates took the time to explain to him, and the many viewers, that you don't need to follow a statement of declaration with "I do declare;" it's redundant. I fear that Micheal failed to heed the message, as well as many of my social media friends. I'm just sayin'

So, let's take this process one step at a time—together. I like to think that we're all working hand in hand, or mouse in mouse, to end the overuse (or any use) of the given phrases. And then, when I think you're ready for the next phase, we'll work together to prevent future overuse and possible death of other popular social media phrases.

I'm not dead . . . yet

I may have used this blog title previously, but it's still so fitting.

Life has been so busy lately, and there had just been so little time for blogging. For shame, I know. But here is a short recap of all the important things that have happened in the world since I last consistently blogged.

Obama killed Osama. It could be the other way around, I can never tell for sure. I mean, their names are only one letter apart. So you choose the outcome that you would most like to have happened.

It turns out that if your surname is the same as a reproductive body part, you are predisposed to do nasty and inappropriate things. And it's okay to lie about them. Until you get caught, of course.

Studies show that if a politician is rumored to be a womanizer, chances are they will have the capability to deny the rumors for 13 years. At which point, your out-of-wedlock spawn will begin to look just like you and no one can really pretend that you're not a womanizer. Because, duh, if a guy has muscles like you do, shouldn't the whole world see you with your shirt off whenever possible. Oh wait, I just confused Schwarzenegger with Matthew McConaughey.

And, last but most certainly not least, Sarah Palin is the source for all things U.S. history. Not only does this gal look smokin' in her daisy dukes, but she has proven to us, time and time again, that she does know a thing or two about history (even if she has to make it up as she goes) . . . as seen HERE. "It's just like we all learned in grade school: One if by land, bells if by two, hey British are warned, sailed the ocean blue."You go, Sarah! Proof that you don't have to know anything to be whatever position you want to be in the government.

TMI?

Sometimes I make the 60 second drive to my mom's when I need to use the bathroom at work. It's just nice to use soft toilet paper sometimes.

Never too late . . .

. . . to set a New Year's resolution. I finally decided on mine. I want to be a published author by June 2012. They say that when you write your goals down, you achieve them. Don't fail me, Internet.

Also, it's never too late to answer my poll in the right side bar here. Just a little tip, if you're in Utah, you're technically in the Southwest. Crazy, I know. You now have that excuse you've been looking for to eat more salsa.

You've been conferenced!

Last weekend was what we Mormons like to call "Conference Weekend." Twice a year, on the first weekends in April and October, members of the church gather physically and virtually to hear words of council from our church leaders. We leave our horns off for this special occasion, and the men usually only take their favorite wife. But, nonetheless, it is awesome. The topics of the talks range from the importance of family, to ways that we can better serve one another. If you are curious about General Conference and would like to learn more, you can find the talks here.

As an aside, it was ten years ago Sunday that I woke up from a drugged state in a hospital recovery room with a few inches less of my intestines. General Conference was playing in the background as I came to. And each Conference Weekend, I'm reminded of that part of my life and how lucky and blessed I've been. I've known great doctors, surgeons, a great mother to take care of me, and a loving Savior to help me through this part of my life. I can't believe how well I've gotten off and how normal I've been able to live (depending on what you consider normal, I guess).

So, when you have a few minutes to spare and are in need of some uplifting words in your life, check out the Conference site.

When American history gets even more awesome . . .

I can't help but LOVE this video. I'm working on a unit about Revolutionary America right now and came across this in my Google searches. Students in a classroom would love this! And so will you.

Too Late to Apologize: A Declaration from Soomo Publishing on Vimeo.

Looking for a job?

I would love to see a resume from some who actually meets the qualifications of this ad for my company, specifically a teaching degree and teaching experience! If you know anyone looking to get out of teaching until all the NCLB dust settles, or someone who just loves to write curriculum, have them send a resume to HR@gibbs-smith.com.


Job Title : Associate Curriculum Developer

Job Description :Local publishing company is currently seeking a full-time associate curriculum developer to join its team. Skills necessary for position: an education degree; teaching experience (preferably elementary);  ability to write clearly and succinctly; ability to communicate clearly and must have the ability to manage time effectively and to meet deadlines; must be able to quickly learn to use different technologies such as a MAC operating systems, Adobe InDesign and XML coding.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

I couldn't have said it better myself, Landon.

A House Full of Estrogen

I had a lot of fun growing up in my family. But my poor brother and dad has to deal with four women chock-full of estrogen. But aren't we cute? At least we have some redeeming qualities.

Now Serving Humble Pie

I am honest enough with myself that I can admit my last post was a bit on the whiney, emotional side. But don't worry, because you know what they say about karma.

Our lesson in Relief Society yesterday was on charity. And for some reason the majority of the lesson took the spin of forgiving others and giving everyone the benefit of the doubt because you don't know their story. It's as if the heavens opened and God grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, and said "Get over it." So I did. The end. :)

decem part 2

So, by now you're probably thinking that I'm a total scrooge and maybe I am.

I get notifications almost every 30 minutes that someone else has written a comment on my class of 2001 reunion facebook group's wall. From what I can gather, I'm the only person in my graduating class that isn't making a countdown chain to this reunion. It's not that I hated high school, it was just a rough time for me.

For starters, I was 17 years-old. I was a completely different person emotionally, socially, etc. I would hope that the other people in my class could say the same thing about themselves. So maybe part of me is embarrassed to think that someone might remember what a dork and then what a brat I was. Right, I think that's a really big part of it.

But most of it is that I spent the better part of my senior year in and out of the hospital, was "home-schooled" since I was too sick to go to school, and was completely deserted by a number of "good friends." That sounds so stupid because it was so long ago and I have completely different adult friends now, but it still makes me lonely to think about it. I had a close group or really good, really fun friends. But when I found out I was sick and wasn't able to be present for most of the important things that seniors do, I found out who my real friends were—and that was really disappointing to me. The friends who were there for me when I was sick were a couple of girls who were a grade younger than me and a few of their guy friends. And most surprisingly, the other friends who stood by my side were a group of rowdy boys that lived an hour away. They drove up to see me in the hospital after both surgeries and would skip school to drive an hour and hang out with me on the couch when I was too sick to get up and out. These boys and girls are still my good friends today! They are people that I will always hold in the highest regard. And although I don't see them too often or talk to them regularly, they have proven themselves as people worthy to keep as friends for all of my life.

So that's my baggage with high school. Maybe you can understand now why I'm not too anxious to go and hang out with a bunch of people who deserted me when I needed them most.

This is a pretty dramatic post. At which point am I so broken up about this that I need to go see a therapist?

decem

Well, elephant in the room: I found my Cadbury eggs. Thanks to all of those who supported me and stood by my side through this challenge. I knew we could do it.

I have a lot of unrelated thoughts going through my head tonight.

The first is a facebook group. I don't understand a lot of things behind the technology of how facebook works. Somehow I was added to a group that didn't require my approval. Didn't know you could even do that. It was a group for the 2001 graduates from my high school. Apparently there is a ten-year reunion in the works. As soon as I saw the page I was sick. Is that weird? Actually, don't answer that. As I scrolled down the page and hovered my mouse over the thumbnail images of people in the group, I didn't know who a good third of the people were. My high school was huge. Incidentally, so was my graduating class. Then as I saw faces of familiar people, it threw me back to a different time from which I knew these people. I was a completely different person then. It just seems so strange to me that one would want to go and spend a bunch of time with people they haven't spoken to or seen in over ten years. I'm not a total heartless witch. I'm always glad to run into people I knew from school and catch up when I see them. I still keep in contact with some, I'm facebook friends, and a blog follower of many. But, why dwell on history? We keep in contact with those we wish to and wish well for those we don't keep in contact with. Is it just me that feels this way? Everyone was writing such excited comments on the group's wall. One person even mentioned flying in from Germany to come! High school has come and gone. We were kids. The best part of our lives is happening now, now that we're old enough to make it happen.

Needless to say, I won't be going to my high school reunion. But, I'm sure you figured that out by now.

And all of the other thoughts floating through my head, well, I was going to pass on them because I'm too tired . . . and as I typed this last sentence, I decided I am, in fact, too tired to go on rambling. Plus I figure it might be one of those emotion-filled posts that you end up regretting later. And although you can un-publish it, the post still remains on others' Blogger home pages and GoogleReader. And that's just not a risk I'm willing to take this late at night. I'll give you a teaser though, I hate it when people dislike, de-friend, or blame me for ruining their lives. I'm only human, Harry!

Wanted: Chocolate

Attention concerned citizens:

Rumors are circulating that there are now Cadbury hard-shell mini Valentine's candies being sold, as of January 2011. The location of these candies is not known. Many nearby retailers have been questioned, to no avail. If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of these candies, please contact your local Cadbury consumer authorities, aka me. Your assistance in this matter is greatly appreciated. Once the candies have been apprehended, we will all feel a little bit safer in our homes.

The way the Valentine cookie crumbles

I must be really tired today. I find myself saying really sappy things to people and pouring my heart out to them about how much I appreciate them. Then there was that embarrassing moment while I was in Walgreen's and I realized, after it was too late, that I was enjoying the cornball song that was playing. It was like I couldn't stop listening to it. The sane Megan was fighting the tired, cheesy Megan, and the end results weren't pretty.

Before I left for work I thought, "I should grab a stack of cards and put notes on everyone's desk to let them know how great they are." Then, in a flash of rational, I realized that I no longer teach in an elementary classroom.

Yesterday, throughout the course of the day, I ended up talking on the phone to each of my sisters, which is rare. It was just fun to talk to each of them. Everyone in my family is so unique and just really, really fun. I ended my final sister phone call yesterday, and a sappy song began playing on my radio. I just let myself cry—the good kind of cry—thinking about how much I love my family. My brain began to play a video montage that highlighted each person in my family like it was their final moment and song after being voted off American Idol. I think this moment could have been controlled simply by not playing sappy music in my car. I blame my friend Michelle for that. She makes the more incredible "mix tapes" and sneaks in a sappy song here or there to catch you off guard. Why I oughtta . . .

I think this is all just my body's way of preparing itself for Valentine's Day! I plan on sleeping for three days straight this weekend so I can come back to real life next week and not be such a basket case. Can you say HEART-SHAPED SUGAR COOKIES?!?

Editors?

Associate Editor
  Job Description :  Local publishing company is currently seeking an associate editor to join their education department. Responsibilities will include: focusing on state specific standards in the text and visuals, editing content to ensure clear and logical organization and language appropriate for the grade level, copy editing to ensure proper spelling and grammar using company provided style guide. Will work closely with Managing Editor, Editorial Development Director, authors, and other team members to solve problems and keep projects on schedule. Skills necessary for position: ability to broaden editorial skills base, incorporating feedback from Editorial Development Director. Ability to maintain and work to improve proficiency of necessary software used to facilitate tasks, such as researching, editing, and fact checking. Examples include, Microsoft Word, Excel, Adobe InCopy, Mac OS, and the appropriate use of the Internet. Candidate should have previous editorial experience. Salary is contingent upon experience.

Qualified candidates should email their resume to hr@gibbs-smith.com.

Some people never grow out of nerdom

You know, in all my growing up years I dreamed of all the exciting things I'd do when I was a grown up. Well, today I am writing a glossary. I can just see little brace-faced, freckly, chubby nine year-old me crying as tears drop on my stretch pants with stirrups just thinking about writing a glossary. What about my hopes and dreams, my castles in the air? Well, nine year-old Megan, I don't know how to tell you this, but you might actually enjoy writing a glossary. But you won't understand until you get older and have had more experience in having your dreams crushed. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but you also like rearranging the things in the cupboards.

For my fellow data nerds

I know it doesn't fit perfectly, but I can't edit the width of the box since it's an interactive piece. To see it more clearly, go to this link.