"They're all Punzels"

I think Halle wants me to train for a marathon. At least that's what my trip to Target with her felt like. I have never in my life seen a child run so fast, while laughing so hard. I'm sure the other shoppers were glad for the free entertainment, especially those who caught my near-splits while rounding a corner. After what seemed like hours of chasing her through every aisle and clothing rack, she came to a screeching halt when she saw the aisle full of PINK! That's where I shot this little video.

What this video doesn't show is the trail of pink items she had pulled of the shelves in her path of destruction. I shot this a little too late. She had been carrying that large box of princess Barbies across the whole length of the toy section to find her mom and ask her if she could get them. What dedication. Then she was lured in by a Punzel doll she had never seen before and all the other princesses were carelessly tossed aside. Yes, that pink bouncy ball on the ground was once her prized possession, too. I stood back and laughed as she struggled with the ball bin for a while, certain she wouldn't be able to pull the pink one out from the bottom. But she did. What a funny little stinker.

As memorable as this trip to Target was. I have sworn to my sister that I am never going again with her and the wee ones. Just like I swore a few months ago.

Brain Dump

I have had a lot of time to blog lately. But the funny thing is, now that I have the time, I have less desire and less brain capacity for blogging. Weird, I know. I think it's because before, when I was working, I was so busy doing expository writing all day that I just couldn't wait to do some sort of nonsense, stress-free writing. Now my days are full of nonsense.

Speaking of nonsense, have you seen this?



This is funny for two reasons:
1) Elmo sings about not wearing clothes—works on so many levels.
2) Elmo is naked.

While we're making lists, here's another one. There are two kinds of people who (or whom, I'm too tired to look it up) I have no more patience for: Obsessed Twilight fans and "woe is me" people.

Grown women who obsess over Twilight need a hobby . . . or a boyfriend . . . or need to spice things up with their husbands.

Woe is you! Woe is all of us. As Norm says, "Life's a beast and then you die." (Edited for web appropriateness.) You are not the only person who has problems. News flash: everyone has problems—at this very moment. The more time you spend feeling sorry for yourself and moping, the worse the problems seem. But if you can see outside of yourself and try to spend time doing things to help other people, your problems will seem to be much more manageable, even if they don't go away. Plus, you're kind of a downer.

And, finally, to end in a quote from a timeless classic and still follow my theme of lists:

"There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't."
-Bob
What About Bob

When American history gets even more awesome . . .

I can't help but LOVE this video. I'm working on a unit about Revolutionary America right now and came across this in my Google searches. Students in a classroom would love this! And so will you.

Too Late to Apologize: A Declaration from Soomo Publishing on Vimeo.

Today I Feel Silly (And Other Moods That Make My Day)

Yesterday I wrote an angry post. But guess what, I never clicked "Post." Wouldn't you like to know what it's about?? (Sucker.) But I feel the need to reassure you that I am a very happy and often kind person. It's just that writing is such an emotional outlet for me. So, lucky you, you get to see so many of my heated or sarcastic posts.

In an effort to show you how much I like puppy dog tails and rainbows, I am posting two of my favorite commercials that scream happy.

I do not endorse any particular make of car. But I do endorse more creative car commercials like these:

Don't Quit Your Day Job, Mr. Maestro

Where are my daisy dukes, belly shirts, and rollerblades when I need them?

Click play on this music video and close your eyes while you listen. Why? First of all, the video and audio are off sync. Second, ODB's teeth in the beginning might make you ill as you find yourself pondering when the last time was that you flossed your teeth. And I don't want to play the role of tooth fairy queen right now. But, mostly close your eyes to picture where you where ten years ago when you were listening to this song.

And then open your eyes about 4 minutes 50 seconds into the song and ask yourself why Mariah Carey in on rollerblades in this video when rollerblades hadn't been cool for at LEAST five years all ready.

Ten years ago, I was in my in my green Chevy Cavalier, Kermit II, with the top down, driving along Highway 89 well under the speed limit. It was the summer of my sixteenth birthday and I hadn't yet mastered the art of driving the speed limit while singing along with a car full of girls. I believe this was the night I was pulled over for suspected drunk driving.

I was also in gym class with Mr. Horne, who I still suspect to be a pervert. I was playing basketball in the field house with Jessica and, I think, Jarilyn. We would sing the lyrics to each other as we pretended to play the sport. This might have been the time I got caught goofing off and as a punishment, the entire class had to do ten sets of lunges across the length of the gym. Sorry about that, guys. By the way, I cheated on the lunges, too.

So, I guess I just wanted to say, "Thanks, Mariah, for the memories. May your career move forward with even more terrible hits with grilled-men who can't really sing."

When tensions are high among beautiful people...

Aside, from a few cuss words (for my conservative friends), this video is hilarious. I've never seen anything quite like it... or as appealing to the eye. So swallow your mouth full of soda, blow your nose if you're prone to be a nose-laugher, and enjoy!

"The advice is priceless, and the book is free."

Many of you have probably seen this before. But it's always worth a replay.

In a recent discussion with my husband where we listed all the things we'd rather buy instead food, gas, insurance, and other necessities, this clip came to mind.




So, until I become a billionaire, the wish list of things we'd like to buy will have to do:

Hover house, hover car, money tree, my personal yoga studio and instructor, stock in H&M, Muddy Buddy dispenser in my car, tredmill desk to work off the Muddy Buddies, house on the coast with a wrap around porch, my grandma's old house restored to the exact position it was in when she was still alive, a baby grand piano, robotic arms or legs, someone to follow me around and tell me I look cute all day, a personal jet to take me to see Jen, Shae, and Lara at will, someone to shave my legs for me (at least weekly), etc.

A girl can dream...

It's Funny Because It's True

Let me preface this by saying that I do NOT endorse anything affiliated with the Twilight series.

Anyone who has been in a single's ward anytime in the past 10 years can probably appreciate this movie... TOO FUNNY! Prepare to ROFL and stuff.

Twilight Years from Tom on Vimeo.

Ch-ch-ch-Changes

A few weeks into marriage and I'm noticing some big changes all ready. The biggest of which has been the switch from a "pre-marriage ward" (a.k.a. singles' ward) to a family (a.k.a. retirement ward). No, I'm not joking about the retirement. The boundaries of our current ward include a retirement community, a small neighborhood of condominiums, and a small set of townhomes.

So essentially, I will be going from this:

U32 Ward End of Year Slideshow - 2009 from Tanner Christensen on Vimeo.

To this:

Yikes.

I Have This Effect on People...

And just when you think you've figured it out....

Which reminds of a similar incident in the past...

My New Favorite Song...

Two very exaggerated, very funny videos

Just when you thought life couldn't get any better...

Threat Level Midnight

I hate to post two videos in a row... BUT.... this one is really good!

A friend of mine googled my email address in an attempt to understand what it was referring to. He found his answer, and a whole lot more! 

Enjoy.

Carry On

I rediscovered this video after years... and it still makes me laugh! 

Warning: This is not for the faint of heart.

Why Not?

You can thank me later. :)

THIS is Worth Your 2 Minutes and 45 Seconds (give or take a few)!

Waldo Ultimatum

Mein Kampf, My Eye.

Where Did We Go Wrong?

Readers Beware: for those of you who prefer my light-hearted, sarcastic posts, this is not one. This post falls more on the "Heal the World" end of the spectrum. (And it's a long one)

I never get sick of this video! Not just because it's unbelievable and hilarious, but mostly for the point that it illustrates so well, a point that I will be addressing in this post. How did society (and public education) fail such a beautiful girl? Where is the missing link? Well, of course, I have a theory. A theory that might seem controversial... But hey, it's my blog, right? :) 

Somewhere along the line, we as an American society began to drastically lose sight of what is really important. Of course this has happened in many parts of life. But the strand of this disease that I think applies to beautiful little darlings like the one in the video, I call Beauty Blindness. I make no attempt to place blame for the epidemic of Beauty Blindness. It is a complex problem that has developed over the course of time. Thanks to media, and... well mainly media... and the voice of the evil one, the pure, traditional definition of BEAUTY that Mr. Webster himself probably had a hand in declaring has been corrupted. Beauty is now judged  on how our outward appearances compare to media's definition of beauty. We are now encouraged to prove our beauty with our outward, physical traits (lucky us). Very few people take the time to appreciate and credit the inner beauty that each human being naturally possesses. And let's be honest, VERY few people possess a natural outer beauty.... trust me, I battle this fact each morning! So it may seem that I've developed my ideas about Beauty Blindness because I feel inferior to society's definition of beauty. I guess that's partially true, who doesn't? My ideas on this subject and the reasons that I write this post stem from my everyday observations at how this problem plagues so many people that I know and love... most of which are women.

We read in the scriptures and the words of our modern day prophets that women have sacred and special responsibilities. We have specific and defined roles in building the kingdom of God. We are blessed with tender hearts that allow us to easily connect with just about any living thing on this earth. We are part of the largest women's organization in America. We have a place and a role in this world that is unique to each of us. How do we forget this and allow ourselves to fall into the trap of measuring our value by how we look, live, and act according to the world's standard? And for that matter, why are so many "good" women so critical of one another's appearances. Over the years I have had friends say things to me like: "I'm not as big as she is, am I?" "Why would she wear that shirt?" "If she can go out in a swim suit, anyone can." "She would never have a chance with him, she is not cute at all." There are times when I get caught up in the backbiting. But mostly it just makes me sad. We're all here for the same reason, we should all be invested in the same cause.

I recently went to an event where there were 10 or so girls that I went to high school with. All of the girls but 3 of us were married and have given birth to children. I walked in late, feeling nervous to see many people I hadn't seen in years. I entered and turned to a statue in the middle of the room as I felt 10 pairs of eyes watching my every move. I scoped out every girl there in a matter of nanoseconds. I felt my heart drop as I made the realization that I was by far the largest girl there... and I am not large! I am just normal!! In their defense, a couple of the girls have always been small and always will be- they're just built that way. But they were also all tan and all sorts of done-up. I felt my self-esteem drop 20 points and I left as fast as I could. I feel frustrated with myself that I let it bother me so much. I know better than to care about something so frivolous. But it fed the fire of things I had already been wondering... Why are so many moms today working so hard to live up to society's standards? This is a trend that I am seeing everywhere! It seems to be especially bad in Utah ( it pains me to admit that). Why?! Why are we forgetting? Why are we letting the judgments of the world override the importance of our duties as women,mothers, and friends?!  And equally as important, why aren't we putting that much effort into developing our talents, traits, qualities, friendships, callings, and minds? Case and Point: Miss South Carolina.

I once did a Cinderella birthday party for a stranger. I was easily, the biggest person there, again.  All of the beautiful, freakishly thin moms had joined the party only to leave me alone with the girls for two hours while they sat in the other room bragging about how they can't eat a cupcake because they'll have to run 2 more miles to burn off the calories if they did and "complaining" about the cost of their latest purchases. I wanted to slit my wrists. I was certain my IQ score had dropped many points just by overhearing the conversation.

TV, movies, magazines, etc. are all beginning to portray women as mindless beings who are only worth attention if they are "beautiful." I'd just like to give a shout out to girls like Paris, Lindsay, Jessica, Britney, Miley, and so on who have done nothing but hurt our cause. Luckily we know better. We are very blessed to have the whole picture.... with great privilege comes great responsibility. So here's to the hope and commitment that I will never become "that" mom or "that" girl. And if I do, please take me out of my misery!!