To Halle, with love

Dear Halle Cakes,

Last weekend you slept in my bed with me to keep me company while the hubs was out of town. For some reason I think it's cute when you kick me all through the night. But I get angry when the hubs does it. Also, when you woke me up at 4 am to watch "Tare Bears" (Care Bears), I was so happy, which is really uncharacteristic of me. I love sleep. But sitting up wide awake, laughing with you and your sippy cup and continually asking, "Where's that peent (pink) guy?" will forever be one of my favorite memories. I've never enjoyed being awake at 4 am quite so much. Thanks for being so cute and so sweet to me. I hope you never grow out of wanting to call "Meggy" everyday. I love you so much and I hope you never grow up.

Where is my mind?

 . . . aaaaaand we're back.

I apparently had a bit of an emotional breakdown/identity crisis yesterday. That might have been apparent in my blog post asking for new friends. I don't know, maybe normal people do that. But I'll tell you what normal people don't do: make plans to move across the country to New York City, a place they've never been. But I found Dan a job, and a job for me at a large publishing company. I was going to start wearing Spanx and eyeliner and cut my hair into a sleek bob. I was ready for the museums, and restaurants, and "culture." I just kept saying "culture." I was there. In my mind, I was there.

But here I am today, wearing sweat pants, one of Dan's T-shirts, a long blonde pony tail, sans bra, and working for an independent publisher struggling to make a place for itself in this digital world. I live near a Target and an In 'n Out Burger. I guess some might call that culture. This isn't "the life," but it's my life. And, after eight hours of sleep last night, I'm happy to be a part of it. Until the next time that I get only a few hours of sleep.

Sleepless in the suburbs,

I need new friends

I need new friends. Preferably friends that live in the same state—same county, even. My single friends are too busy doing single people things to hang out with me more than once in a blue moon. Trust me, I understand. My married friends all have kids and are never available when I want to hang out.

Sooooo.... I am now accepting applications for a new friend. Only one, actually. I've never been good at juggling multiple friends.

Please be married.

Please don't have kids.

Please don't be freakishly attached to your  husband so you can't go with me to get a pedicure on a whim.

Please work regular business hours.

Please don't be a flake. I've had enough of them in my life. If you're going to call, call. If you say we're going to hang out, show up. Make me a priority, dangit. Cuz I'm a dang good friend.

And please be funny. If you're not funny, don't bother.

Qualified applicants should send me cookies and flowers.

Don't call me. I'll call you.

Why you're still single . . .

Yes, I'm going there.

The purpose of this post is to get you excited, riled up, angry, curious, or any other kind of emotional in anticipation of my upcoming blog series, "Why you're still single."

Don't worry ladies, you're off the hook on this one. But men, buckle up and get settled in with your comfort blanket, because you're going to need it. I've been observing behaviors of single men for years now and I can't help but notice the patterns that appear among single men—most of whom wish they weren't single. This series aims to educate the world as to why single men remain single, despite their "best" efforts.

Here's a preview of just some of the topics to look forward to:
1. If you used to babysit her, she's too young to be on a date with you. Unless of course, you'd like to raise a wife while you raise kids.
2. Your mom might be the only woman who really thinks you're a 10, so, get used to dating 5s.
3. A text conversation does not qualify as a step forward in your imaginary relationship.
4. You can still have hobbies after you're married.
5. You've seen one too many romantic comedies—the myth of "the one" distracts you from perfectly lovable women.
6. Women who are ridiculously good looking, are ridiculously stupid and shallow. Yet you still ask them out.

And so on . . .

I look forward to shoving more of my opinions in your face in the form of blog posts!